"Today"

"Today"

Feels like I am falling
forever.
Never thought much of the squall
or even smoldering heat honestly.
No great feat
performed by nature itself
is as formidable as gravity.
Haven't we had our time already?
Do I really need to experience this
again?
Did I not send for some assurance?
Am I undeserving of assistance;
meant to be throttled
tortured
by the downward distance
between descent and destruction?
Blatant this obstruction:
the mishandling of my appeal.
My plea.
Protest against being held near
what is likely my greatest fear.

Surely the drop
is more ruesome than the landing
and standing clear
has yet to appear
even the least bit effective
at giving fear a reason to pass by.
Had I known,
I'd have thrown apprehension
into that loathsome pit
and watched from where I'd choose to sit
but it's always been about time
and I can't help feeling
as if I'm without mine
like I'm locked out from
the necessary notice of signs
and fixed to this paradigm
for as long as takes to reach the end.

Thoughts of this manner
barely even pass the time.
Conjuring patterns concise and clear
in the face of paralyzing fear
took less time to develop
than the walls that envelop
what I hope to climb out of
assuming that I will survive.
Presumably alive
and somewhat able;
capable of such a feat.
Remembering when my feet
felt this life beneath them.
Recalling how my hem
would drag against the earth.
For what it was worth then,
it was time I never thought twice
about spending wisely.
For what it is worth now,
I'd mix and mingle dirt and skin
if only to end this ceaseless spin.

Feels like I'm falling
again
and again
without end.
I can't move myself.
I just bend and flail.
I am frail;
sailing from wall to edge
hedged by nothing.
Wishing that something
new
would happen already
but to be honest,
I'm not ready
and don't know when
or if I will be.
I'm willing to end the plummet
for sure
but I haven't braced myself
for the crash.
I'll wonder then
maybe
why I didn't think
or even react fast enough
but for now I'm just stuck
and I don't even have it in me
to blame bad luck.
I've come to accept the fact
that rather than give it my all,
I've decided that I would fall
forever.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz