"Shadow"

"Shadow" 

Will you sit here with me
in the dark?
Next to me
surrounded by the
constant crash of what we are told
is too bold or cold or crass
to cast one's attention to.
Mingle with my fear
and my tears
and emotions that others
hold no retention to.
Be with me
in the middle of chaos.
Amid the disarray
that we pretend each day
is a little more organized
like the unruly is classified
and categorized
as if something we schedule
to set aside and manage.

Will you lay here with me,
damaged as I appear?
Hear the chip and crack?
Feel the bruises undermined?
The "Never mind?"
The "Don't come back?"
Can you find a reason to stay
even when I'd rather not say?
When I don't want to play?
When I don't want today
and won't look at tomorrow?
Will your failure to fill the void
turn you away?
Keep you at bay?
What would you say
if I told you
that I know you aren't the answer
so I've no desire to ask a question?
I'm in no need of suggestion
nor protection.
Remain with me
circled by projections
of the hesitant and the rushed.
The warmth of trust.
The cold emptiness of lust.
See the journey toward a phantom
conceptualization of fulfillment
filled with self applied lies
and the silence of voices
that are merely waiting to resurface
so they can feed on my cries.... 

........you can try
but I wouldn't blame your refusal.
A forehead kiss
the meager dismissal
I've grown all too aware of.
"It won't be alright."
"It won't be okay."
"It will not end today."
Things you'd do well to say
but we are taught
the proper niceties of comfort.
Endearment is a bruise
upon the flesh of fruit
we are taught to eat without questioning.
Our reckoning in season
reasoned between teeth, tongue and cheek
and we aren't given to speech
until we swallow that bite

but politeness will not rule
and we don't have to fight 

so will you join me tonight?
Here where night and day don't share.
Here where the absent and unaware
and those who couldn't care less
are replaced with we who are caressed
by discomfort and dismay
and the words we can't say
in any conceivable way
too loud among crowds
bound to see us as foul
and disgusting.
Thoughts hinged on mistrust
thrust in front of us
against walls we can't see
but feel certain are displayed.
Viscous liquids sloshed and played with
smattered across it all
for no one to see.
Confined and closed yet free.
Already all we need to be.
So even when light refuses me,
I wonder still:
here
where vision lacks,
in the black of it all, 

will you sit here with me
in the dark? 

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

"Left, Too"

"Left, Too" 

I am not what you thought you'd see.
Searched in your selected light.
Hidden better than in darkness.
The hardships you've undermined.
Glimpses in passing time.
Squint and you still won't find
an ounce of me
that you'll manipulate
anymore.
Planned for me
but acted late.
Stockpiled decree to saturate
but did not suspect.
Did not expect
that I'd be one to elevate.
My ascension to the zenith
you'd demean with foreboding.
Distrustful means
that are the steam
I've gathered to roll over.
As it happens,
I should flatten you
who've fattened yourself well
from my nightmares.
From my hell.
Thought you'd know well
not to sow your spells
over the same wells
you would draw from in thirst.

Me first.

That was the fear,
right?
Conjure my tears,
right?
In confidence you'd spare nights
to make my competence a near sight
and a far fetched reality.

No parity.
Just limitation.
Deliberate debilitating prescribed
so that I would subscribe
subservient
but never subsumed.
Present in the room
but blocks away from the table.

I am unstable.

Not far behind
the shattered mind.
Not well in front
of thoughts as blunt
as the ones you fear I'd act upon.
We haven't gone the distance
yet
but don't fret.
You'll see me coming
and will try to get away
but there's the floor.
Crawl some more.
Hope and pray
that I delay.
Put my assured nature in sway.
Had me question what things to say
when my heart knew that to break away
meant I should act as I may;
Not how you wanted.
The tutor is now the taunted:
haunted
by that which you've flaunted
all for naught
and before it ends,
I'll have you sprawl
and crawl
again

just like I had to.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

"Right To

"Right To"

Not what I had in mind.
Not sure I know
what's in there
anyway.
Many a day spent wondering
how many stand to judge
when in my honesty,
I probably wouldn't dare to nudge.
Pushed more now these days internally
than I ever was in youth.
The only difference?
There's no peer pressure
to mask the truth
that veiled beneath indifference
are these chiseled cracks
widened by anxiety
loathing privately what I lack.
Complication
and the compensation I enlist
is no small feat.
No conceived tryst.
Bound my own wrists
to run the risk
of forgetting all I've learned
just to quell some of the burn
but some embers
can't be stamped out.
Misfortune states
to stand out
is to be exposed as nothing.
That's worth something.
I suppose if closed,
I won't have to
justify.
I don't have to
simplify
or toil in shame
and wonder why. 

This in mind,
none else could bear it.
This is mine.
Why should I share it?
Far behind
where thought and care sit,
I view the blind
that couldn't see fit
that
couldn't see shit
unless it served purpose
personally.
Purpose
for me
has long been a concept
that I've come to believe
has not so much as
eluded my grasp
but rather
one I was tasked with
the abandonment of.
Ironic how an act
so iconic
could in turn fulfill a purpose
by denying the very definition
entirely. 

This is not what I had in mind.
In mine,
this tingling in my spine
is more sense of urgency
than the solemn certainty
that I should steal away.
I'd feel my way through passion
and impart more of a reaction
than the predetermined flinch
but unless that happens
in a pinch,
I'll remain here
just plain here
on plains here.
Window panes where
on this plane
of thought where
I painstakingly wonder
if I'm even a little
entitled. 

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz