Alone In The Fog

 Alone In The Fog

I did good,

didn't I?

Was I better this time

than the last..........

......memory?

Person who did this for you?

My last mistake?

Was I not supposed to ask?

Was that too much?

Is my inquiring about mistakes

a mistake in itself?

I'm not tripping.

I promise.

I'd just like to know,

you know?

Do you?

What'd I do wrong?

Nothing? Really?

Really.

That's still something.

Quit preaching to me about insecurity.

I'm not trying to preserve my purity.

I know no one is perfect

but am I that far off?

See,

I'm all about loss prevention.

More ambition

than a mission, per se

so why are you so dismissive?

Does this even matter to you?

Do I?

I................shouldn't have said that.

I knew better than that.

I'm not mad.

I promise.

I just need honesty.

I want you to be up front.

Maybe even a little blunt.

I can handle that.

I can take it........

..........I think........

What was that?

That wasn't funny.

Take it back.

Why even say something like that?!?!

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO REACT.

You're pissing me off

so just fall back......

........wait. Don't leave me.

You need me.

Well really,

I need you to need me.

Dependency so alien

but not at all foreign.

This preemptive prison cell surrounds us

and I act like I've lost the key.

I fling falsehoods with abandon

but act like you've lied to me.

I made the call to build this wall

and scream at you when it's too tall.

I stand at bay from what you say

but won't dare let you move away.

I shrink and hide.

I guard my pride.

I won't even let you talk.

The words I say

push you away

yet I'm nervous when you walk.

Don't leave me.

You know you need me.

I mean......I need you to.

I need you, too.

I need.........

I need you to navigate

but let me be the magistrate.

You can lead and direct

so long as it is circumspect.

Just give me my validation.

We can call that maturation.

I need to be 

Placated and pacified

and no:

you can't ask me why.

I don't want to talk anymore.

Not today.

I'm not alright.

I promise.

I am not okay.

Just promise me

that you'll stay anyway.

Okay?

Devin Joseph Metz

6.17.21

Familiarity

 Familiarity

Lesser known would draw very little

to the surface.

The purpose is enlightenment;

not the fight no one wants to win

really.

Ideally,

one should appear

as near to the memory

as they are in proximity.

Make better use of the vicinity

and let the moments

have a moment

to measure what space remains.

I find that the bind

in these invisible chains

is the invincible space between.

Such a firm purchase

one could only hope to ever glean

a fading, precious glimpse of

yet we dismiss the connection outright

if it is not in plain sight

or our underwhelming definition of such.

Somewhat disturbing to know

that it doesn't take much

commitment to precision

before we fall back on derision.

We downplay.

We despise.

We avert or roll our eyes.

We dig in deep to appear hurt

as if betrayed by a vision

that we're convinced should be on display

whether or not we've even done the work

and therein lies the rub:

If they were vines,

one would tug until they break away;

leaving room for one to say

that the other was at fault

but such a wall isn't vaulted so easily

and conceiving such means with the unknown

won't bring about a softer landing

or a less frightening fall.

It's the chain you know

that won't bend when you lean.

It won't give when you pull.

You'll grip.

You'll squeeze

and tussle with this truth

without acknowledging the meaning

and when the scrapes burn, 

you will return to what you know

but are too stubborn to believe in

only because your palms are bleeding.

Devin Joseph Metz

6.16.21

Trivial

Trivial

Perceiving you as a mere

passing thought

is my favorite lie to tell 

before,

after

and between smiles

knowing well

that these memories I've filed

will last more than a little while.

Hard to reconcile with the calendar.

Masterful manager of a time

that I still seem to 

find myself lost in

if I can't share it with you.

Often at odds with the days,

I willingly create

and peruse the maze;

wishing so hard to be dazed

until I slip into a trance

and lay back;

watching thoughts and feelings dance.

I see them dip

and swish

and sway about in this space.

A place where the way out

isn't paved with doubt.

No scream.

No shout.

No more without.

"About to"

without you

remains unfinished

so I replenish my means

whenever I choose to dream.

Whether pristine

or obscene,

thoughts of you fulfill me.

I wonder if you feel me

blinking away gently

everything within me 

that would chase away the thinking.

I'm honestly curious

about whether or not

you've taken similar note

of the sinking.

No,

Not the "feeling."

Not a clever concept

representative of something

worth concealing from disclosure.

Real,

Literal exposure.

Pushing distance aside

just to place you here

before my eyes

to bear witness to my favorite lie.

Do you in like manner

pretend that I'm some.........

.........passing fancy

or is the truth behind the farce

just as damning for you too?

Where are you?

Devin Joseph Metz

6.14.21