"Right To

"Right To"

Not what I had in mind.
Not sure I know
what's in there
anyway.
Many a day spent wondering
how many stand to judge
when in my honesty,
I probably wouldn't dare to nudge.
Pushed more now these days internally
than I ever was in youth.
The only difference?
There's no peer pressure
to mask the truth
that veiled beneath indifference
are these chiseled cracks
widened by anxiety
loathing privately what I lack.
Complication
and the compensation I enlist
is no small feat.
No conceived tryst.
Bound my own wrists
to run the risk
of forgetting all I've learned
just to quell some of the burn
but some embers
can't be stamped out.
Misfortune states
to stand out
is to be exposed as nothing.
That's worth something.
I suppose if closed,
I won't have to
justify.
I don't have to
simplify
or toil in shame
and wonder why. 

This in mind,
none else could bear it.
This is mine.
Why should I share it?
Far behind
where thought and care sit,
I view the blind
that couldn't see fit
that
couldn't see shit
unless it served purpose
personally.
Purpose
for me
has long been a concept
that I've come to believe
has not so much as
eluded my grasp
but rather
one I was tasked with
the abandonment of.
Ironic how an act
so iconic
could in turn fulfill a purpose
by denying the very definition
entirely. 

This is not what I had in mind.
In mine,
this tingling in my spine
is more sense of urgency
than the solemn certainty
that I should steal away.
I'd feel my way through passion
and impart more of a reaction
than the predetermined flinch
but unless that happens
in a pinch,
I'll remain here
just plain here
on plains here.
Window panes where
on this plane
of thought where
I painstakingly wonder
if I'm even a little
entitled. 

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz