"Astral"

"Astral"

Wanted to be there.
Wished to see
that look of disappointment. 
Thought it would help with the atonement
that was due to you
so long before this.
Hoped to notice the end
long before the fork
where my path wasn't as narrow.
You reach out for my shadow now.
Longed for a second chance
to show you
that I know how
and I know now
what I've ignored for years.

I should've been there
before the tears formed.
Before clutching my charm
was the most painful gratification.
Solace forgone
for the sake of consternation
washing violently over your face.
Your grace is amazing.
Steadfast love never changing
but holding all the parts
cannot protect a growing heart
torn between where life interacts
and one so desperate to keep it intact.

I wish I'd noticed.

The anger that wouldn't leave you alone.
That nervous shake in your voice.
The raw fear in your tone.
Lectures lengthy and lost to ears
on what you will not condone.
My call log.
A hundred texts
that have riddled my phone.
Observe you sob as you hold.
Sidewalk so brittle and old.
Wanting to chastise and scold
but my skin is getting cold.
Wanted to be there for you.
Wanted to comfort you too.
Hoped I would chase tears from eyes
but I'm the reason you cry.

Soon before help would arrive,
I hoped we'd get up and go.
Wanted to ward off the spectacle.
Didn't want you on the show.
I had no chance.
Yes. I know.
Just one new wrinkle in this story.
Another sign of the times
like those who were lost before me.
I'm what assumption expects.
The child whole cities will fight about
causing riots with fires out.
The man that Poets will write about.
My life which should still be talked about
will only incite debate.
I know your pain they'll saturate.
You'll cross through years of plains you'd navigate
for me.

Wished I could tell you
how selfish I felt
while knelt before us.
Rendered helpless
watching me lay as I once did:
Still and stubborn
while you struggle to lift me
once more
as you successfully did
so many mornings before.

Hoped I could be of assistance
but I'm out of vision.
That for you
and this from me
is not what was envisioned.
You'll beg and plead
as life impedes.
You'll say it was your fault
yet from where I stand,
all you demand
will not shift this result.

Wanted to be there
and here I stand
while lifeless in your hands
yet I can't reach out
and I can't touch you.
You rub my forehead.
I can't kiss you.
Your love I've misused.
Pain I can't diffuse.
I know we've had our issues
but I just wish I could tell you
how much I truly miss you.

I just....hoped I'd be close enough.....

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz