"Differential Diagnosis"

"Differential Diagnosis"

Threw the pills into the ocean.
They'll dissolve before they reach the shore.
I'm always prescribed a little more.
They say my thoughts are impure
so they won't call them emotions.
Sought help from a contortionist.
Taught me how to channel
my feelings into movement.
Imagine what my mind moves with……
I was made to sit still,
ignore thrill and embrace silence.

"Your brand of movement may bring violence."

I never understood that theory.
Near me you would stay
even in my darkest days.
I found a little triumph
in my ability to trace your voice
in a lineup when I never knew your name.
Once I finally learned,
it was all I was concerned
with uttering to the shrink.
Would hate to even blink
When your presence filled the room.
What I would often think
would consume my faculties whole.
Surrendered total control
to all of those completely…………
Wonderful
Nasty
Grotesque
Disgusting
Delicious
Filthy
Sticky
Moist
Obscene daydreams that we enact
frequently in my mind.

The medication would keep all at bay
except what I chased every day.
Words I would say in examination……
routine dissertation for therapists
who cared less about therapy
and more about what's scaring me.
I pique their interest. I am intrigue.
They roll up their sleeves
and feed me their colored capsules.
Encapsulated in this beating drum
like painkillers under the tongue
are my treasured thoughts of you.
Nothing else can ever subdue
my instability like you.

They took you away from me.
Some mistakes are not forgiven.
Listen.
Clarity is a state of being
that I am unfamiliar with.
Rich the fervor of my will.
Would kill for our yesterdays.
Don't ask what I've done today.

Bottles in the lake.
Fake refills. The overkill.
Freedom did not grace me
once I stepped beyond those walls.
My familiar call
brought no beckon of you.
I need my tranquility.
I lack the stability
to peruse this twisting path.
Wrath of circumstance omnipresent.
True quintessence unattainable.
Perhaps I am not sustainable
in my present state
but in good faith,
I would move through life this hazy
even if I'm perceived crazy.

Save Me.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

"Canvas"

"Canvas"

I'll tell you when I'm finished.

Fancy me that drop of ink
landing in your glass of water.
I await as you engorge me whole.
Go on. Take control.
Taste me completely.
Run me through your veins
like restraint is but a fairy tale.
Trails of my presence etched
like blotches on the surface.
Your purpose a mystery to this world.
Toes curled in rapture and elation
as you capture the sensation
that eludes you still.

Drapes ripped from window sills
are cast aside with your regret.
Fret not.
I'm never swift in my action.
More demonstrative in fashions
relative to your reaction to me.
Through me you labor in your lust;
trusting that our fruit is plentiful.
So whimsical your faith in me.
You leave a taste for me
and expect the clean slate to ensue
but I've already told you:

I'll Tell You When I'm Finished.

Time will never diminish.
Your first mistake your endless chore:
thinking that you gave me more
when it chose to stand still.
Raised your limbs across the heavens
and rested them within the hills
so that the river runs seamless.
Seemed less raging in your waters
than when you stood there in your puddle.
I cupped my hands ever so subtle
and drank in every faint gasp
as if poured from a carafe
and you would serve me in earnest.
Embarrassment left your demeanor.
No longer concerned about the cleaner
thoughts that would mess with your head.

Instead,

You make way for all the filthy
ways I made you feel so guilty
when I never really stopped to think.
Barely could recall one wink.
Sinking deep into your bliss.
Murky waters. The abyss.
Imploring that I assist
as if I'd let you resist
Took your risk and planned it daily.
Think you've got them but you're sailing;
trailing what you crave in confidence.
Forced to behave with your compliments.
Your drive written in your countenance.
Surely smitten in accomplishment:
You can now say that you've had me……
……if not for that ceaseless nagging……
……telling you that you want more.
Clawing away at your core.
Seething deep into your pores
until I bring you ashore.
Nevermore before my sight.
You the junkie. I your plight.
I thought we'd call it a night
but before I could reach the light,

You stared me down
drenched in what would be our blemish.
A deviant smile replaced your frown:

"I'll Tell You When I'm Finished."

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

"Still Water"

"Still Water"

God bless the day
that you decide to hate me.
Forsake me if you must.
That may be what it takes.
Await the day that I concede;
crushed under what you perceive
but my mass is substantial.
Means so mechanical surround me.
In their convenience manufactured,
they are undoubtedly drowning;
frowning for their fawn and greed.
Their lust disguised as need.

I am as amorphous as you
but we differ in ambition.
Tradition lost on days that pass.
Your self worth like blades of grass
swept up by the wind.
Careless in you skip and grin.
No true account from deep within
yet you only seek my council
when the tide looks to subside.
Nothing more that I can offer.
Gone are the warning signs.
No refuge in my design.
Just tranquility. Less affinity
granted to the quiet force
standing as the likely source
of what the ignorant fear implicitly.

I am consistency.
You view me in a wrought face
until I crash and displace
with violent beauty and grace
unheard of among your leaders.
Nonbelievers in their rank
that tell you to walk the plank
without your oxygen tank.
They know what you never ask.
Freedom flushed within the flask.
Habit taught you how to sigh
while you roll and close your eyes.

They will wince in pain
until sight barely remains.
Stains ingrained will only stay
long enough to wash away
beneath my regal judgement.
Blemish will seek refuge
but sanctuary will forsake her.
I am not your savior.
I am omnipresent.
I am the true essence
of existence in raw form.
I age within the storm
but have not sought harm for years.
You have given me your tears
and I have absorbed your struggle
all while addressing your trouble.
Realize what I have offered.
You taint me when you slaughter
and trust that all will wash away.
Be it at the bay
or further than distance and vision
I will display what God envisioned:
Power steeped in preservation
resting well before whole nations
who wait for something to acknowledge.

Pay homage.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz