"Differential Diagnosis"

"Differential Diagnosis"

Threw the pills into the ocean.
They'll dissolve before they reach the shore.
I'm always prescribed a little more.
They say my thoughts are impure
so they won't call them emotions.
Sought help from a contortionist.
Taught me how to channel
my feelings into movement.
Imagine what my mind moves with……
I was made to sit still,
ignore thrill and embrace silence.

"Your brand of movement may bring violence."

I never understood that theory.
Near me you would stay
even in my darkest days.
I found a little triumph
in my ability to trace your voice
in a lineup when I never knew your name.
Once I finally learned,
it was all I was concerned
with uttering to the shrink.
Would hate to even blink
When your presence filled the room.
What I would often think
would consume my faculties whole.
Surrendered total control
to all of those completely…………
Wonderful
Nasty
Grotesque
Disgusting
Delicious
Filthy
Sticky
Moist
Obscene daydreams that we enact
frequently in my mind.

The medication would keep all at bay
except what I chased every day.
Words I would say in examination……
routine dissertation for therapists
who cared less about therapy
and more about what's scaring me.
I pique their interest. I am intrigue.
They roll up their sleeves
and feed me their colored capsules.
Encapsulated in this beating drum
like painkillers under the tongue
are my treasured thoughts of you.
Nothing else can ever subdue
my instability like you.

They took you away from me.
Some mistakes are not forgiven.
Listen.
Clarity is a state of being
that I am unfamiliar with.
Rich the fervor of my will.
Would kill for our yesterdays.
Don't ask what I've done today.

Bottles in the lake.
Fake refills. The overkill.
Freedom did not grace me
once I stepped beyond those walls.
My familiar call
brought no beckon of you.
I need my tranquility.
I lack the stability
to peruse this twisting path.
Wrath of circumstance omnipresent.
True quintessence unattainable.
Perhaps I am not sustainable
in my present state
but in good faith,
I would move through life this hazy
even if I'm perceived crazy.

Save Me.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz